I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
