I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
We had sex on a dog bed..
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Randomize
