Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Randomize
