I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Mom said you looked used
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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