No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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