Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
The beer is more important than you right now.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
