Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Randomize
