A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Randomize
