It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
