I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
