be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
