you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Drake has all the answers
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
