I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Randomize
