I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
