It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
