I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
