dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
