Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I enjoy the company of your penis
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
