my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Randomize
