I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Randomize
