So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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