Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
