How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
this beer tastes like vomit already
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
