I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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