Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
