The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
