I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
