I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I enjoy the company of your penis
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
