you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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