This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
