I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
