He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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