Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
