Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
