Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
