So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
