don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
