she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Randomize
