Already got asked if we're dating
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
