So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
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