Fuck appropriateness.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
