Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Randomize
