So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
