There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
