So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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