Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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