After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
