We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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