Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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