Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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