I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
