I can text with my tongue
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
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