it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
