Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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