Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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